Who determined the size of toilet paper?

Sitting on the toilet today, I pondered this.  I mean, have you ever seen a brand of toilet paper that was a different width than any other brand?  You know there is no way all the toilet paper companies got together and came to an agreement on the subject.  You would think that sheer competition would have been responsible for a variation at some point in toilet paper production history.  Personally, I think we could do with an “extra wide” version.  I mean, as it is, it is just wide enough to cover your fingers and extend to the beginning of your palm.  I can’t imagine anyone lives life risky enough to cover their palm and leave their fingers exposed, can you?  I would like to take fingers completely out of the equation as I can still remember the day I discovered my desire for a higher quality TP brought on by the horribly accidental penetration of my middle finger through the thin cheap version.  I submit that it ought to be wide enough that we can still maintain a grip whilst covering the base of our palm or even the edge of our palm.  That way, fingers aren’t at risk and we have a surface that is much more ergonomic when it comes to getting a “clean sweep”, if you will.  A further benefit is, even though we wash our hands, there will never be any doubt that some unwanted substance (however minute) might be hitching a ride on our fingers.  Think about it.  Has anyone ever warned you not to lick your palm or said, “Hey don’t put your palm in your eye?”

I know, right now, you’re thinking, “this guy is WEIRD, why am I reading this?”.  It makes me laugh knowing that you can never un-read this.  Knowing that you will have no choice but to think of me and this blog post the next time you shop for TP is fricking hilarious.  Just keep in mind when Charmin comes out with my version, you and I will know exactly where they got the idea. 😉

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